Special guest

We were a month away from spring practice. I had been steadily working my list, and Holden had been steadily working his ankle. The two of us were practically whole.

The gym had become our “thing”. Not that we worked out together, but wrapping my goals into his was maybe the best idea I had ever had. I signed us up for a gym that had yoga and spin classes for me and a huge space crammed full of weights for him.

The classes for me were brutal at first but became less torturous as time went on. I hurt all over, but I started convincing myself to move towards the pain. It was something that spooked me at first, enough that I talked to Dr. Jill about it in one of our now weekly sessions.

After she confirmed I wasn’t becoming a masochist, I eased up on myself and started to enjoy the process. Growth, I think she called it.

The threat of spring practice had Holden jumping out of bed at dawn. He was upping his gym time to no less than two hours a session, four to five days a week. I wasn’t thrilled with him, but the ever-eager team of yoga instructors had fortunately started doing a Yin and meditation session right after my usual class.

My therapist was thrilled.

I was skeptical.

Tonight, we had Rayne instructing us. I am sure that wasn’t her real name. She struck me as a Kim or a Beth, being a white woman in her mid-thirties, but who was I to stomp on her good time?

Rayne was brutal; her breathy, high-pitched voice would sweetly instruct us deeper and further into puddles of middle-aged sweat. She never accepted no for an answer, and she always believed we were capable of far more than we believed of ourselves.

She was one of those who liked to touch you. Twisting or pressing you just a little further past your breaking point. Sometimes getting right down on the ground with you, pulling your body along. She gave of herself and expected us to meet her there.

In the early days, I tried to hide from her, but somehow no matter where I moved in the class, she would find me. Offering me that little bit of assistance that would leave me aching for days. But I must say it was working.

I wasn’t the picture of health yet, but I was seeing the change, and that was an unexpected ego boost.

“Alright, my sweet friends. Let us gather on our mats.”

I gathered myself onto a mat I brought from home while she clapped.

“Good. Good. Now settle in. I want you all to take a few deep breaths. Try in and out through the nose. If that frightens you or upsets your mind, just open your mouth. It’s okay. You haven’t failed.”

“Before we begin tonight. I want to remind you all that our usual Yin session will be shortened. We have a guest speaker tonight for guided meditation. Maura is joining us from Third Gate, her place of healing and transformation. I hope you all brought your talismans we talked about last week.”

She touched the top of my head.

I guess I was the goose.

“If no that is okay too. We will explore our visualization of them. Alright my friends. Meet me in downward dog.”

Rayne did her best to kill us. There wasn’t one of us who looked respectable at the end of class. Even those with the matching overpriced outfits looked blotchy when Rayne was done.  

Our guest speaker appeared in a collision of sounds and smells.

Pungent, herby scents wafted from her as she chimed her way into the dark studio.

I sat up, eyeing her curiously and forgetting all manners.

She was tall, slim, and wore black yoga pants and a longline bra. The pants had the moon phases stitched in silver and gold cord running down the side of each leg. The back of her top held an image of the full moon between her shoulder blades.

Over her gear, she wore a gauzy asymmetrical dress that was near see-through.

She had a fair number of tattoos and a healthy collection of ankle bracelets on each leg. That explained her musical entry.

I chuckled, knowing I would have looked similar had by life not taken a turn in an unexpected direction seventeen years ago.

I recovered my manners and focused on replenishing fluids.

Yin was uneventful. Rayne seemed to sense our pain and took pity, giving us a few simple poses to ease our bodies into instead of anything fascia opening. I was grateful.

“Okay yogis. I am going to hand you all over to the capable hands of our friend Maura. I wish you all a happy journey inside.”

With that, Rayne stepped back, her powder blue ensemble shadowed by Maura. Like a sun setting abruptly indoors.

Maura sat with a flourish onto a velvet pillow. She didn’t smile or appease us; she just began. Her voice was quiet, each word carefully chosen.

“Tonight, you will journey as far as you are willing. Will you consent to my guidance?”

There was a pause in the room.

“Will you?”

“Yes,” I responded quietly along with the others.

“Good.”

She took a few deep breaths.

“Your special object. Your talisman. I want you to hold it either in your palm or you mind. Now, close your eyes.”

There was light shuffling around the room. I slipped Julian’s ring off my finger and placed it into my palm.

“We will take three deep breaths.”

We did.

“With eyes closed, I want you to picture this room. Picture the doorway you entered before class. Go out the door. When you turn around, the doorway will be a new one. Picture it. What color is it? What materials is it made of? What does the door frame feel like under your fingers?”

“Now picture the doorknob. Is it elaborate? Is it plain?”

“Place your hand on the knob. Take a few deep breaths. When we enter, you will walk back into the place where this talisman became yours. The place in space or time where this became significant. Take a deep breath. Enter only when you are ready.”

***

The wind was thrashing us. The mist clung to my veil and created a sparkling sheen on his black wool suit. It was the nicest thing he’d ever owned.

 The waterfall crashed in the distance. It was just the three of us on the platform. Julian, the officiant, and I stood on the wooden outcrop. Our friends were across the water on a platform of their own. We could hear them cheering.

It was just a party for them, but our lives were changing.

We’d walked the long path through the dense forest alone, hand in hand. The boardwalk railing had been decorated with tulle and twinkle lights.

Simple and perfect.

The officiant was waiting for us at the arbor. Ready when we were ready.

We were ready.

When his lips touched mine, tears trickled down my face. I was so embarrassed by it—such a silly reaction to a moment happier than any I had experienced.

“Man and wife.” Julian whispered.

“You and I.” I whispered back through trembling lips.

***

The ringing of a bell brought me back.

My eyes fluttered. Essential oils and herbs crowded out the fresh ocean breeze.

I ran the back of my hand over my damp cheeks.

God, I hoped I wasn’t the only one crying.

We closed the practice, and I scrambled to get my things together without making eye contact.

“Laine?” I heard Rayne call as I worked my way through the queue of thankful classmates forming near her.

I smiled over my shoulder. I wasn’t aware she knew my name. Maybe there was another Laine.

“Maura would like a word.”

My sweat crystalized as Laine took my hand and walked me to the instructor’s platform.

Maura was parked on a cushion, her feet tucked under. A woman or two thanking her for the class were ahead of me. She gave them a pamphlet and sent them grinning on their way.

“Hello.” She said in a husky voice. “Sit.”

I laid my yoga bag down with an embarrassing thump, and sank onto the cushion across from her.

“Do you know?”

“Do I know what?” I smiled.

Her face broke into a smirk.

“There’s something with you.”

My arms went to gooseflesh.

“No. I think you must have picked up on someone else.” I twitched.

“So, you don’t know.” She looked past my shoulder. “I can’t make it out. It is shrouded in something.” She pulled a card from her pocket. “If you want to come to the studio, we can have some privacy. I could help you with it.”

I pressed my lips.

“I don’t charge for it, if that is what you are thinking.”

It was what I was thinking.

“Your choice. Might be nice to know who’s in your shadow.”

She reached forward and squeezed my hand. Her grip was hard, and I winced. A flash of something burst through like a ripple on water. She looked me over.

“Yes, it will require a little more to reveal.”

I pulled my yoga bag over my shoulder, stuffing her card into my bag.

“Thanks. I’ll think about it.”

Rayne followed me to the door.

“She’s really good. She helps lots of people.” Rayne had her hand on my shoulder again. All this touching was about to send me over the edge.

“I am sure. Thank you. Thanks.”

I burst out the door and made it as quickly as possible to the poolroom.